A Million Hours Later

And, I have finally managed to get my dotcom up to date, a new blog up and going (you can also access it through the dotcom), and everything connected and working together.

I am hoping this more polished dotcom, etc, will help me get better caliber press and also get me into some catalogs and stores that previously turned up their nose at me because I was only an Etsy shop.

Go check it out and help me work out the kinks! xoxoxoxo

http://www.bamary.com

In Other News

You guys ROCK. Sadly, I didn’t win. I spent one evening being super sad, and then my husband reminded me that I can be a badass business woman even without taking the incredible badassery that is b-school.

Fine. I’ll be a badass all on my own. Whatevs, hub.

In other news, I’ve been hitting the gym like a BOSS. I’ve also been tracking my food. In my former blogging life, it was some sort of gigantic faux pas for you to track your food. I understand (completely) that it is a trigger for certain people, but that’s not me for the most part. It just comes down to the fact that I’d really like to get off this grief weight and have more than leggings and one worn-out pair of jeans for dressing options. Over it.

Tomorrow, I’m going to a “nightclub experience” dance class with my friend Quyen. In an effort to thwart my monkey mind, I already purchased my ticket for the class. Otherwise, my mind would play a dozen tricks on me before tomorrow night and convince me that I am 1) too flabby to go, 2) too out of shape to go, 3) too ugly/old/uncoordinated/fill-in-the-blank to go. All of the above is total BS, so I’m going. End of story.

So, business… I’m in a weird crossroads with the direction I want to take my business. I’ve been doing some reading, and as I understand it, I’m mired in something similar to what they call a “plateau” when you’re losing weight. At first, it was all roses and lollipops. People were discovering my business, buying, and telling their friends. But NOW, I feel a tad stagnant. I have to up my game, and I need to move beyond that original circle of people. I don’t exactly know how to do that. I know that it requires some solid branding and then good, genuine social media outreach. Right now, I’m working on developing a cohesive plan that will translate across all channels. This is WAY more complicated than it sounds and certainly more complicated than it was for my old blog. Sometimes, I feel like I’m drowning in both indecision and work. Half the time, I think I’m fashionably rocking the 72 hats I’m wearing, and the other half, I feel like I’m doing a balancing act worthy of a circus act. Shrug.

Happily, I have decided what I’m going to do with a blog. I have always wanted a blogging component to my business. I got lost for a while trying to figure out how that blog could support my business, but also serve ME as an artist/writer/human. I think I’ve decided that I’m going to create a blog that looks and feels site-wise very much like the rest of the bama + ry brand, but serves in many ways as a personal blog. Meaning, it will be a hybrid of what I used to do and what I do now, to include: recipes, talking about working out and weight loss, some lifestyle stuff, some behind-the-scenes business stuff, day in the lifes, etc etc.

Lastly, for those of you following my emotional/mental well being since my miscarriage, I can tell you that I have, finally, truly crossed that threshold. That’s the best way to describe it, a threshold. I am still sad, and I know that this feeling will come and go for a long time, if not always. I miss my pregnancy, and I miss all the milestone moments that my twins would have had and that my mind continues to tally. I miss, too, the innocence of believing that you get married to someone you love and then you have babies, like life is really a 1+2 equation. I miss the belief that biological children was an eventuality for us. I miss not looking stricken when someone asks me, “So, do you have kids?” I miss these things like the awake person sometimes misses being asleep. But, I’m okay. More than that, I’m happy and grateful, so grateful. In fact, I think that the work I’ve done to cultivate my gratefulness has been the thing that changed it all. That and time.

xo.

Help Me! :)

SO MANY THINGS.

This will be quick. I am working on a massive marketing plan in my effort to GO PRO in my business and life. This will include a blog that will look a whole lot more like the ME ya’ll know. Yay! To get to this point, I’ve had to really analyze wants, needs, likes, and dislikes and what’s best for business versus me. More to come on that.

BUT RIGHT NOW

I need your help.

Despite the fact that the idea of you guys seeing my post-miscarriage larger self in full motion gives me hives (that is NOT a healthy mentality, yes I know), I have made a video.

WHY, you ask. (I asked myself this all day on Friday while making it.)

The answer is it’s required to get a scholarship to B School (an online business school for entrepreneurs) and I DESPERATELY WANT THIS SCHOLARSHIP.

So, you can help me by “liking” my video. I would love you bunches and oodles. This scholarship would mean so much to me and would help me go from struggling home-based business to a legit put food on the table kind of business. We’re talking about DREAM MAKIN over here. #winBSCHOOL

Please help! LIKE my video here.

(I am pretty sure you have to have an account. Sorry. I hate that kind of thing, too, but seriously do it.)

And, here it is, too. In all its glory. Rawr.

It is really not an exaggeration to say this is one of the most (if not THE most) uncomfortable things I’ve ever done in my life! If this didn’t mean A LOT (!!!!!!!!!) to me, I would never “beg” for likes. That is so not me. <3

(Oh, and want to join B-School? Here's how: http://www.joinbschool.com B-School with Marie Forleo—online business school for modern entrepreneurs…)

Goals of the Moment

I’ve said before, I’m quite impulsive. I can completely throw myself into something without really considering if I want it. This behavior of mine has resulted in many a long walk back to reality with my tail tucked firmly between my legs.

I don’t know if it’s age or if my mild-tempered hubby is finally rubbing off on me, but I’ve settled a LOT in the last year or two. I’ve allowed myself to broach the idea that I am not one thing (writer!) or the other (jeweler!). I’m allowing myself to be the things that I am without them necessarily having to “fit” with the flavor of the month.

One of the things that I regret is that when I let go of my blog, Eat Move Write, I also let go of the label “healthy living blogger.” When I wasn’t accountable, I just let go of everything and started eating in a way that a “healthy living blogger” doesn’t usually eat. I stopped exercising regularly, and I just sort of gave in to the myriad emotions that have always told me to eat my pain away. I’ve spent a couple of years now battling with the way my grief demons and my love-to-eat demons so easily come together and wreak havoc on my health.

Because I have a tendency toward “all or nothing” thinking, if I wasn’t being healthy, I was being the opposite. Lately, I’ve been trying to re-incorporate many of the principles I used when writing EMW, but without the obsessiveness, without the feeling that I HAVE to eat like X and exercise like Y. I don’t have to take pictures of ALL THE FOOD to occasionally take pictures of some of the food. I don’t have to have a healthy living blog just because I want to occasionally blog about my food and exercise for accountability’s sake.

photo 2 (2)I can have a blog that represents my business, but also represents me, the person. I can talk about press releases and workouts, green smoothies and fertility problems.

All that said, here are a few goals I’m working with lately:

1. Have a green smoothie every day. This is easy; I love them!

2. Workout regularly. Be present when you workout, and do not spend time on guilt when you don’t.

3. Create a work schedule and stick to it. This is hard for me. I naturally buck the concept of staying “within the lines,” but I do accomplish more when I do.

4. Take more walks. It’s Oregon, land of very rare snowpocalypses. I should take advantage.

5. Make more friends. I have an issue with friendship retention here in Oregon. I compare my friendship problem to the girl who goes on lots of first dates. I can’t seem to get past Date 1 with people in Oregon. I specify Oregon because I didn’t so much have this issue in California or Indiana, so… not sure.

6. Read more. Since becoming more tech-literate (ipad, iphone, blah blah), I read less. I’ve discovered the Kindle app on my iPad, and stunningly, I read a lot more using it. I’ve read 10 books and a novella already this year. (For an added challenge, I plan to read all the books on this list this year. Many of these are not books I would naturally choose, so it will be a good challenge.)

7. Cook more, take out less. I love take out. Any kind of take out, really. It tastes good. It dirties no dishes. It feeds my desire to be lazy. However, it doesn’t do much for my waist line and it costs a bundle. I’m a decent cook, and once I get in the kitchen, I enjoy it. Habit! Must reinstate the habit!

I’m sure there are more, but writing this blog means I’m not doing something else. Must move along. Tootles!

Dancing with a Limp

When I started this blog (over), I told myself I would just talk business and none of that messy “life stuff.” I wanted to indulge my desire to write and get feedback, but without the sharing. I wanted to avoid the one topic that comes up again and again every time I sit down at this keyboard.

I’ve been trying for two years now to stop myself from writing these posts that seem so melancholy, because, truly, I don’t spend my life in melancholia. At least, not anymore. But, maybe I just need to say these words, and let them go.

I stumbled across this amazing quote by Anne Lamott, and it resonated. Loudly.

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”

My business, this blog, my life… They are reflections of the grief and turmoil I’ve experienced as part of my journey over the last few years, yes, but they are also testaments to the coming through. (There is no “overcoming” grief, only the getting through it.)

For a long time after my miscarriage, I was incredibly disillusioned. I’d built so many of my dreams on paper-thin premises. Like a house of cards, they fell, and I was more angry than I’ve ever been in my life. I felt hate and rage and desperately alone. I was stagnant in my bitterness. It was my husband’s hand in the dark that pulled me out kicking and screaming, encouraging, supporting, and sometimes forcing me through the pain, in hopes that I could someday find the other side.

I’m dancing now. In fact, I feel happier than I’ve ever been. My house of cards fell, and in it’s place is something smaller, but more authentic. I think half the work of life is figuring out what’s important, and the other half is actually prioritizing it. I know what to be grateful for now. That’s something.